So as you have read, Hot Yoga didn't turn out so well, so Nancy and I decided to try Zumba. What a great way to get in shape while looking learning some sexy new moves. Once again, dressed in our fashionable Lululemon ensembles with our chic water bottles, we headed off to our next adventure in exercise - Zumba - an exhilarating, effective, easy-to-follow, Latin-inspired, calorie-burning dance fitness-party that’s moving millions of people toward joy and health.
Our instructor showed up in her Zumba attire and proceeded to crank the music. At this point I was excited to get my groove on with all of the other people in my class - oh wait there was only Nancy and I and a 14 year old girl in full makeup and tight jeans. Where the hell were all the hot Latinos I hoped to pick up some new moves from? Our instructor jumped right into a combination of jazzercise and hip hop to Latin music that was way to loud for my liking. The only blessing was that you couldn't hear my panting like a dog! Still excited to show off the dance moves I perfected at many a bar in my day, I couldn't wait to "bring it on down".
After the first song ended, a group of individuals entered the studio to add to our posse of professional groovers. As the second song began one of the girls stood in the middle of the room and talked AT the instructor. Nancy and I looked at each other like we had just been upstaged in our own music video. This was soon followed by a lady trying to get Nancy to move forward so she could take her rightful spot at the back of the room. Nancy indicated that the nice lady could move ahead of her to the front and next thing I know Nancy is arguing with said woman about said "premium space". After resolving the spacing issues, we moved into our third song. By this point I am sweating like a pig and wondering where all of my rhythm has gone. It must be the distraction of new attendees entering the room or the lack of alcohol to loosen me up that has plagued my game. I watch as the individuals around us flail their arms and turn in opposing directions to the beat of their own drums. Surely Nancy and I do not look this haphazard!
At the conclusion of the third song, we break to grab water and I notice a nice boy with Down Syndrome as he pushes in front of me to assume his place at the water fountain. I am sure that he is partnered with the "nice" lady with the space issues now standing BEHIND Nancy. No sooner am I stepping up to take my own drink of water, when the girl who so rudely accosted our instructor with questions of her holiday mid Zumba, steps up to ask me if my pants are Lululemon - all the while frothing at the mouth. I turn to initiate polite conversation with the girl as she proceeds to spew her objections to lululemon through her braces and onto my Zumba soaked attire. After a few more kind words I return to my rightful spot next too Nancy at the FRONT of the room. After several more songs whereby the instructor is mirroring her own moves in the mirror to the exclusion of the class, I realize that maybe I do not have the "funk in the trunk" that I once was so fond of. I am not sure if I have pulled a hamstring or not, but I am silently thankful when she stops to lead the class through the basic moves of Zumba to a beat more in line with a slow waltz.
At the end of the hour, the instructor informs the class that we need to keep up with the pace of Zumba if we are to burn 500 calories in the hour. Nancy and I retreat from the room and head to Starbucks to debrief. After much discussion we are acutely aware of the fact that perhaps we were in a remedial class and find solace in the fact that we were at the top of our class.
The next day Nancy discusses our class with her personal coach who excitedly exclaimed "Oh you took Zumba! What class were you in?". When Nancy points out that we were in the small studio he smiled and said "oh". Case closed, we are going to give Hot Yoga another try!
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